User talk:Reary77
Beginner Author Just started, let me know if you have any advice or tips. --Reary77 (talk) 10:57, December 18, 2016 (UTC) Unfinished Page Your story was deleted due to it being unfinished when posted. Please post only finished pastas on the wiki and have it saved on a separate word document instead of writing in the editor or on the go. --[[User:Sloshedtrain|'Sloshedtrain']] [[User_Talk:Sloshedtrain|'Talk']] [[User:Sloshedtrain#Videos|'█']] 10:38, December 18, 2016 (UTC) RE: Sorry lol Yeah... um... vandalizing pages when your story got deleted shouldn't be your first action to do when finding out your pasta is gone. It is the quickest way to get the banhammer. You won't be banned for this indiscretion, just a warning not to do such things since vandalism get hefty bans here. As from the previous message, do not post unfinished pastas on the wiki, as most unfinished pastas never get completed hence why we have it as a rule. Also, it will be wise never to write your whole story on the editor due to deletions (and even edit revisions) can occur and you will lose most of your work. Always save your work somewhere else. Lastly, we due enforce some sort of quality standards here, and if your pastas are deemed below the QS, it will be deleted by me or other admins. I recommend if you're starting out to check out the Writer's Workshop to gain some pointers and tips and what not. That's all I gotta say here. G'night. --[[User:Sloshedtrain|'Sloshedtrain']] [[User_Talk:Sloshedtrain|'Talk']] [[User:Sloshedtrain#Videos|'█']] 11:15, December 18, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. MrDupin (talk) 02:04, December 26, 2016 (UTC) A Heads-Up The Writer's Showcase Board is for stories posted to the site already that the author wants to showcase, you're looking for the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:19, January 9, 2017 (UTC) ChristianWallis (talk) 12:20, January 9, 2017 (UTC) :No worries, just try to avoid changing wording or adding or removing words unless they're obviously an error (e.g. he ran ran past the gate/he woked up early). Spelling errors, repetitions, incorrect punctuation, homonym substitutions, and formatting errors are all safe and reliable edits to make ChristianWallis (talk) 12:52, January 9, 2017 (UTC) Just a Heads-Up Hey Reary. So, I recently noticed that you made an edit to a certain page and you edited the wording a bit. We try not to do this too much, as we try to preserve the original authors work here. In the future, please remember that grammar edits are the biggest changes we're looking for currently (i.e. don't replace words with synonyms), and leave the rewording to the admins and 'crats or you might be issued a short ban (day or two on the long side). Anyway, no reason to worry now, you didn't do anything wrong, just try to remember this in the future. Message me (or an admin) if you need anything. If a house is made out of a potato, Is it a potato, or is it a house? ' 05:52, January 17, 2017 (UTC) Ohhhhh I understand now thanks derp appreciate the help :) Reary77 (talk) 05:58, January 17, 2017 (UTC) :You aren't doing much 'longboard wrong', as I quote, but since we try to preserve the authors work as best we can, we generally discourage replacing words unless you're the original author. For example, in your recent edit to the story Two Months Plague, you changed the word 'people' to 'the masses'. Modifying wording like that is not allowed due to the fact that it can (and in most cases will) stray from the author's original intent in the work. However, editing the grammar to fix an author's mistake, such as you did when you edited Ever Watchful, changing 'By the time we moved in to the new house, I haven't seen Master for a year.' to 'By the time we moved in to the new house, I hadn't seen Master for a year.' due to the tense mistake in the former is perfectly fine, because you are correcting something that needed correcting. A good rule of thumb to go by is 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. :Hope this helped. :If a house is made out of a potato, Is it a potato, or is it a house? '' 06:11, January 17, 2017 (UTC) ::Two things - first, sorry about the big message I left after you said you understood. Second, don't be afraid to edit. Just follow the guidelines I said, and you'll be good to go. ::If a house is made out of a potato, Is it a potato, or is it a house? ''' 06:15, January 17, 2017 (UTC) ChristianWallis (talk) 09:52, January 17, 2017 (UTC) ChristianWallis (talk) 09:52, January 17, 2017 (UTC) A heads up First, when you add the M4R or Delete now tag, add it between brackets ( ). Second, next time you see a story like that it's much better to just add a Delete now tag. The author obviously didn't put any effort or materials to review. You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 12:06, January 22, 2017 (UTC) A little nod before Empy answers your question, the story itself likely was not about Housekeeping. Housekeeping here basically means that a pasta was deleted after staying up for a couple of months or more. It usually happens when the standards are raised and the stories that barely met the standards no longer do. Also, I've noticed you use a specific word instead of your signature (by adding ~~~~). If you wish, you can go to your preferences and changed that word to your signature. I'm the Hand of God. The one where he holds the spear 17:35, January 22, 2017 (UTC) :There are no restrictions to using the same title as a deleted story (although it's generally best to avoid it to prevent confusion, see "Clockwork"). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:36, January 22, 2017 (UTC) ::No prob. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:47, January 22, 2017 (UTC) ::Coding can seem a bit complicated sometimes. There's different things you can do. If you write that word (Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii!) in the "Custom signature" section, your signature will show up as this: Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk). If you do that, just save the changes and then you'll just have to add ~~~~ after your messages from then on. ::I'm the Hand of God. The one where he holds the spear 17:52, January 22, 2017 (UTC) ::Hey man. Just wanted to let you know the tag on that story (there have been unusually many of them today, btw) was correct, but you only need to state the reason for tagging it for deletion if it's something other than QS (spam, for example). Like, if it doesn't meet the QS you can simply leave it as and add a reason if there's any other major issue. This is more of a nitpick, though, so don't worry about it. ::I'm the Hand of God. The one where he holds the spear 22:59, January 22, 2017 (UTC) Hey, read The Extra Dimensions, and it was pretty cool. Very creative. Have you ever thought about learning anything about modern physics? Because this definitely butts up against it. And speaking of physics, it is theoretically impossible to travel back in time, only move forward. However, fret not, for there is another option: the multiverse theory. What if, say, these people discovered a way to travel interdimensionally and actually mathematically specify which universe they wanted to go to? What if their universe was identical to ours, only their present was our future? Plus, this theoretical method would also sidestep the plethora of paradoxes that arrise with traveling back in time. Another slight little blemish that only a total dork like myself would notice is that you said something along the lines of "Who knows, maybe traveling through space is traveling through time." Well, it can be true to an extent, though you can only move forward in time. This is mostly because it is impossible to not travel through time, but also because as you travel through gravitational fields, their affects on time would change. Plus, if, say, they were going close to the speed of light, relative time would change... And without going into ut just think of The Planet of the Apes. But... Nitpicky science aside, I enjoyed it, a very interesting read. My only advice would be that if you're going to danble in science fiction, you should do research so that it can be all the more plausible. Hope this helped. Banned In CP (talk) 23:53, January 23, 2017 (UTC) No, no, man! I think it's a great story, especially seeing as it's your first one, I'm just suggesting that if you aren't really familiar with something when you're writing, you should just do a little research to familiarize yourself with whatever it is. Tge story is really cool. Banned In CP (talk) 02:46, January 24, 2017 (UTC) Ummmmmmm... I guess out of the 3 that have been updated (I'm currently rewriting the most recent one I put up- the scalp of Rabid Wolf- I just havent typed all of them up yet) I guess I would suggest The Airborne Gift. It's not scary, per say, but I did implement a whole impending doom kinda thing. Banned In CP (talk) 12:42, January 24, 2017 (UTC) I couldn't think of a good name for it, so I just stuck with that. It was for Creative Writing two years ago, and so I based it off a piem I wrote also for that class because, y'know, Christmas is such a good time of year to be festive. I'd called the poem black Christmas, so I couldn't call it that. Banned In CP (talk) 03:09, January 25, 2017 (UTC) Oh, and Phillip White appears in a later story I haven't put up here yet that takes place in 2008. That one is a more traditional CreepyPasta. The Winston Bombingalso is mentioned in the updated The Fate of Humanity, which you'll see when i put the update on here. Banned In CP (talk) 03:16, January 25, 2017 (UTC) What kind of collaboration would you have in mind? (Btw i read the happy bubble bros and thought it was pretty good) Actually, I DO. After I finish the Nameless, I was planning on taking a break from the BoA trilogy and writing a screenplay, which I've never seen a CreepyPasta of. It's called Keeping Up With the Joneses, and circles around the Jones family. It takes place in the 50's in a typical white suburban household, where a family of three (Eleanor (mother), Dick(father) and Sullivan(son)). On the outside, they look like a happy, healthy family, but in actuality the father is abusive to his wife and forces his kid to watch him beat her on a nightly basis. Iriginally it was going to be a script for a play, and the kid's name was Timmy, but after I started thinking of ways to tie in all of my stories, I decided to make Timmy Sullivan. Though, I thought maybe he would mysteriously disappear or be murdered somehow. Originally Eleanor was going to kill Dick at the end and run off with Timmy, but now I was planning on her just killing Dick because Sullivan is dead/missing. Thats all I've figured out fir it so far. I've thought of maybe having it be a series if local murders or something, but idk. If you want to use this, then we could figure it out. The original concept was to show how fake white middle-class society is, which I know from 1st hand experience. Though now I live wuth my mom, and so I'm not in suburbia anymore thank god. --Hail Satan 666 05:15, January 25, 2017 (UTC) Hmmm... Maybe it could be in the form of letters revolving around two people? That way it would also be easy to collaborate, because we could write the letters for different characters, like half and half. Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 12:28, January 25, 2017 (UTC) True. We could even do both, if we decided to span different time periods or whatever. I suppose the first step is: what kind of horror story do we want this to be? If we're going for something really unique then we could combine types. Such as, monsters and serial killers, or... Idfk just anything really. ���������� I like the intelkigent supernatural being idea. Hmmm... What if the protagonists were two 19th century explorers who came across something? Like, maybe they are in two different places in the world but they find some ancient temple or something in both places? Then maybe their descendents get into some sort of related mishap, which would be with emails? Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 03:28, January 26, 2017 (UTC) Except maybe even worse the second time around, that way peoeple aren't like, "Ugh, I've gotta read it all over again." What if with the letter segment, what happened to the guy was never found out? Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 12:38, January 26, 2017 (UTC) Yeah, just enough to throw the reader off and nake them want to keep reading to figure out what it is. Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 13:08, January 26, 2017 (UTC) No, all I've got is email and texting. I guess I could make one, if you wanted. Oh, and I'm about to update Jack Daniel's and Golden Crosses in a few minutes. Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 02:22, January 27, 2017 (UTC) Email me at gdaganm98@gmail.com Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 03:19, January 27, 2017 (UTC) Hey, did you ever get my email? Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 17:08, January 28, 2017 (UTC) Ok. I sent it yesterday. What app are you using? Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 01:21, January 29, 2017 (UTC) K Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 02:58, January 29, 2017 (UTC) No offense taken at all Hey Reary! Worry not, the reason that I marked your story for review had nothing to do with personal offense taken in any way. Matter of fact, I actually really liked the story, as I enjoy that type of writing quite a bit. The reason that I marked it though it not because it necessarily was a clone of Candle Cove, because it wasn't. However, it did clone the C.C. formula a bit, which is what prompted me to mark it and request a second opinion. Here's the deal with established formulas and how they can become abused or overused. (Not saying you did either.) Many very popular Creepypasta stories follow a formula that becomes the styled plot-line for dozens of other stories. I remember when there were countless lost episode stories here that focused on the idea of a VHS tape being discovered at a garage sale. I recall the Pokemon pastas that all seemed to come from a Gamestop employee selling a really cheap old copy of a Gameboy game. The "you're next" ending forumla became vast as well, to the point where we had to blacklist entire categories and start keeping a close eye on the formulas that spawn those categories. That is what led me to mark your story. I can tell that it was inspired by Candle Cove, you actually list it on your profile. The main issue that I had was that it followed much of the same progression as Candle Cove. Swap out a message board for a chat room, swap a kid's show for a kid's restaurant, swap pirates for clowns, but much of the same elements appeared, in some cases almost identical. (Such as one user asking his mother about child hood memories.) As I said, your story, which, as stated above, I actually enjoyed reading, seemed to follow an almost identical conceptual roadmap as Candle Cove. However, I am not a "delete-happy" admin, and I realize that my opinion does not always equate the shared values of the entire community. Hence, instead of deleting the story, I chose to mark it for review. This actually benefits you more in the long run. If another admin clears the story to remain on the site, removing the review mark, then your work is eseentially safe and proven from that point. Any future attempts to mark it for review or delete it would bounce back to this moment. As a writer myself, I take no pleasure it hindering anyone's motivation or creativity. However, as an admin, I have a job here, so it's kind of a double edged sword. I promise you that your story will be reviewed before any decisions are made, and you are certainly welcomed to reach out to any other admin or b-crat if you wish to contest my decision to mark it, or make your case as to why it does in fact meet criteria. I certainly hope you understand my stance on this, and I wish you the best here and will assist you in anyway. Best, K. Banning Kellum (talk) 09:25, February 8, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:05, February 9, 2017 (UTC) Hey, have you gotten any of my emails? Banned In CP (Hail Satan 666) (talk) 00:48, February 10, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story There are a large amount of issues present here. A lot of these errors repeat throughout the story and the examples given below are just some of the dozens of other instances present in the story. I strongly advise taking your next story to the writer's workshop as these errors were prevalent through-out the story. Let's start with the format. You really shouldn't indent lines as it causes formatting errors and can actually make text unreadable: "*high pitched scream* *intense crying*" Additionally there are a number of times where you break someone's dialogue into two lines without an intervening action or passage of time which isn't correct and also doesn't really help much with the story flow: "Sara: Phoebe(comma missing) open this door right now! Sara: I just wanna talk baby" Capitalization: You don't capitalize a majority of your sentences. "*high (High) pitched scream*", "Baxter: it's (It's) Phoebe......", "oh (Oh) it's expunged, miss is help coming?", "do (Do) you have a neighbor that you trust a lot?", "are (Are) you using your house phone?", "can (Can) you tell me what's wrong sweetie?", etc. Remember that even if the dialogue is addressed in a different manner than typical story-telling, it still needs to subscribe to the rules of literature. Capitalization cont.: You don't capitalize titles/properly. "dispatcher: 22:34, unit D-4 please return to department headquarters.", "dispatcher: 22:36 receiving call, add to log.", "dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?", etc. Given that these are their titles (i.e. proper nouns), they should reflect that with proper capitalization (like a lot of other lines in the story does.) Punctuation: A majority of your sentences are missing punctuation at the end. "Baxter: THEY KILLED HERRRR(punctuation missing)", "...is help coming? I'm scared(punctuation missing)", "Tell me everything from the beginning(.)", "I'll explain once I know Phoebe is safe in your home with the doors locked(punctuation missing)", "umm Phoebe said that her older sister was killed by her mother and her boyfriend(.)", etc. Punctuation cont.: You forget to add commas where pauses denote that commas are needed. "dispatcher: 911(comma missing) what is your emergency?", "Dispatcher: ma'am(comma missing) can you please calm down, what seems to be the problem?", "Baxter: HELP ME PLEAAAASSEEE(,) THEY KILLED MY SISTER", "oh my god(,) oh my god(.) they knew (know) where I am(.) help me please(,) oh help me", "ma'am this is the Trenton County 911 Dispatch(,) my name is Martha name expunged(,) lock all your doors and windows immediately." Story issues: Moving beyond the mechanical issues, there are quite a bit of story issues here that weigh down the plot. Starting with the basics, the transcripts should probably be revised to change the name of the speaker. As Baxter is a surname, it tends to muddle who is saying what. The audience can contextually pick up on the fact that it's Phoebe, but when the mother gets involved, it tends to muddy the waters. "Baxter: okay” These lines for example: "high pitched scream from Baxter". Is this the mother or the daughter? You mention both screaming in the story so it could be either in this scenario. “Ross commences locking every door and window of her home, Baxter follows” also tends to not really differentiate characters well. Story issues cont.: A lot of Bobby Ray's dialogue feels too expository. Lines like: "got rid of the other cops, you find her yet? The Grand Mages Masterson are waiting for us. We don't want to be late." and "damn it Sara we're the head alchemists we can't be doing this shit and get late" feel a bit too much like you're trying to build up the characterization, but can't seem to work it organically into the story. Story issues cont.: Lines like this: "*bangs on door*", "*door handle continues to jerk", "*large pound on door*" don't really paint a descriptive scene. At the climax lines like: "high pitched scream from Baxter" and "*sounds of kicking and punching*" really don't do the story much justice. You're building up this feeling of hopelessness and terror so to have it peter out at the end with this feels kind of weak. I have discussed this same issue with LunarExplosion so you can read more there. As with most phone transcript calls, I would recommend you read The Disappearance of Ashley, Kansas as it utilizes the 911 transcript concept at the end of the story effectively by building up the scenario. Conclusion: Unfortunately we get a number of call transcripts from time to time and a majority suffer from the same issues. They put a lot of focus into the call, but don't spend a lot of time making the scene descriptive enough to be effective. Ignoring the numerous mechanical issues, this story still suffers from complications in character naming, forced exposition in dialogue, and a lack of descriptive scenes to make the transcripts more effective. The best piece of advice I can give is to read over the links included above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:22, February 10, 2017 (UTC) Removed M4R Hey Reary, Just wanted to let you know that I went ahead and removed the M4R on your story. Others looked it over and essentially gave the thumbs up. I greatly appreciate your maturity and patience while your story was being double checked. Best, --K. Banning Kellum (talk) 01:17, February 11, 2017 (UTC) Please Write Bubble Bros Sequel!! Hey I loved the BBHHFH! I know that was written in 2017 but I hope youll get around to finish that story cause it would be a Twin Peaks moment too let such a great story end on that cliff hanger.- RedAngel00